It's my birthday

I'm excited about my life.
I want to do more things.
I have more ideas.
I can see possibilities where there weren't any.
I want to better myself and learn new things.
I want to try to make more money and not sit still.
I want to get healthier.

I want to change.

And I haven't felt that in a long time... quite possibly, Ever.

39 may be one of my best years yet.

50 days

Doesn't seem like it.

I'm just glad that I am doing other things
on the days I don't have Zoey.

That was the thing... Two days with her, no drinking.
2 days without her, close to drunk both days.
Unless I had a ton of chores to do.

I think that originated from just not knowing what to do
with my time when I didn't have her.
I'm glad I am growing past that.

I actually ran for a bit during the walk with Cracker last night.
Didn't set out to run, just kinda felt like it.

Change is happening.
I'm digging.

peace.

2016 will be much different

I've decided to give up alcohol this year.
Why?!

Two main reasons. Challenge and Change.
I've thought about it for 4 or 5 years and would always talk myself out of it.
Well, I didn't really do that, I guess I never talked myself INTO it.
This time, I'm committed.
I've lived my life for the past 20 years or so fairly buzzed or drunk every 2-3 days.
I'm ready to experience other things. See what I find myself doing when I'm not focused on drinking.
Push myself to do something different.
It's been more fun finding what I am going to do with the time that I would normally be just sitting and drinking.
Much more constructive.

Mixing some juices and caffeine-free soda helps sometimes.
I've went over to cookouts with some sparkling water.
It's so carbonated, it makes me feel like I'm drinking a beer.
Plus, the bottles are beer-like, and folks don't razz me too bad.
No one really does that anyway, but ya know.

I'll tell you things I do love about it.
No hangovers. No bubble-guts or beer shits.
A clear mind. No gaps in memories.
I don't smoke, since that was only a thing that I did while drinking.
Only a sporadic greenery lift, but really I just enjoy keeping my mind sober.

It's pretty rad.
I read something the other day that said that some people think they will loose their edge if they stop drinking, when really it ends up giving them and edge.
I would agree to this.
Plus, I'm not putting myself at risk as much.
Ya know, b/c buzzed driving is drunk driving. (alot of us are pros even though we've been caught before)

Anyway, clear mind, clear heart, pretty clear soul.
I'm working my way to becoming unfuckwithable.

#youcanttouchthis

Keep on rockin' people.
I'm gonna go rock out on my drums, then go put the kayak in the water.

peace and love
stay positive and love your life.

For all of you awesome Dads...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosie-devereux/dumbass-stuff-we-need-to-stop-saying-to-dads_b_9186948.html

Peaceful walk

enh, fuck it.

I find myself in this month of my birth nearly 39 years down the line, happily divorced with a wonderful co-parenting relationship with the amazing mother of our child, more in love with the most bad ass 5 year old daughter I could've ever dreamed, excited and happy in the job that I've had for almost 11 years, creating and doing things that I haven't done in years, and all in all stoked about a future as an adult male making my way through life on this planet again.

The last few years of the marriage were pretty lame. We stopped putting in love and were in a standoff with each other on who was going to put any effort into it first. Then it all but vanished into thin air and we were coexisting as roommates with a kid, and were both miserable. I was really unaware of how miserable I was until a few months after she pulled the D card. At the time I could not believe it was happening. The future that you saw for yourself no longer exists. It's fucking gone and it's fucking overwhelming. I won't go into all the little details that take over your brain, but it involves EVERY aspect of your life.

We kept our child at the first of everything we did and kept it very civil and fair throughout the whole process. The healing process was interesting to say the least. The only thing I could think of doing when I didn't have Z is everything that I couldn't do when she was there. So, needless to say, very loud music, too many drinks, dancing in the living room, and really just doing whatever the fuck I wanted to whenever the fuck I wanted to. A thing that I have grown to love, even though it is in much more constructive ways now.

I can feel like I'm becoming the man that I was intended to be before all of this slid off track. I feel like I'm finally starting to grow again. Not just existing in the same life that I created in college. I never really grew out of that life very well. I would try, but almost would feel like that was my identity. No need to expand, learn, or do more. "This is what I do," I remember thinking alot.

Nowadays, I take more walks with the pup. I kayak. I read actual books (still fucking boggles my mind) and enjoy it. I love eating alone and thinking about things to do and try after the meal. I clean much more. I listen to music, like just sit and listen. Occasionally I will have a netflix binge of course, but some nights my TV never gets turned on.

When Z is around we just do whatever we feel like doing. Coloring, reading, puzzles, hide 'n' seek, tag, dig in the dirt, play in the water, play catch, play music, create performances, expand our imaginations, make forts, lots of balloons, ride bikes and tricycles, learn things, discuss things, build things, and lots of tickle ninja. Also maybe a netflix binge or a movie in there too.

For the most part I'm much more centered, calm and collected. Not much anxiety, no impending doom like the last post that was 3 years ago. (That was pretty good forshadowing on my part though) Much Much Much more happy.

I love my life, stoked to be living it, and am excited to see what the future holds. It is after all, a clean slate.

Peace and love my friends.
stay positive and love your life.

Could be, maybe.

(sorry for putting that song in your head)

Impending doom.

I have been having a weird sense that some shit is about to hit the fan.
Not sure what it is.

Could be the clusterfuck that is the rebranding situation at work.
We're awaiting to see if the mark that a company designed is not trademarked somewhere else, b/c its virtually the same as another mark that I ran across while home with Zoey one day. Which has fucked up the feeling of it being uniquely ours and the whole process being a success.

Could be some health things that I'm going through and determining.

Could be the fact that there has been alot of depressing shit around lately.

panhandle friend dying from cancer in the matter of a month, leaving her husband and her 3 kids.
Bob having a stroke and fighting for his life in the matter of days.

Just seeing how quickly life can flip. Like that *snap*.
has me feeling uneasy.

Maybe its a mid-life crisis.
or maybe its just mid-life.

I know that I trust that things happen for a reason.
And how I react to those things shape who I am as a person.

Maybe its just anxiety.

Maybe its that I'm kinda sick of things.

Maybe its that I'm turning 36 on Sunday and I'm wondering how that is possible.

Maybe its all of it.
Maybe its none of it.

Could be the fact that I need to exercise more.
Could be the fact that I don't do constructive things that I used to enjoy doing.
Cleaning and detailing my car used to be awesome.

Maybe I need to get down my drums and beat the shit out of them.
Maybe I should ride my bike.

Maybe I should just hug my wife and kid and stop feeling weird.
keep it simple
maintain happiness

Being happy is a choice, they say.
Sometimes its also a job.

KM

So, Valentine's Day 2013 finds me...
totally in love with a wife and a child.

Yet, I went to Grady's 66 to watch the Thunder
play while C washed Z's hair and gave her a bath...
while in a spica cast because she broke her femur.

I sat there with one older lady playing gambling games.
One lady and one dude at the bar making small talk.
2 old dudes playing the golf game.
and an older couple on a date.
playing the sappiest shit ever.

I chose to come here.
I chose to watch this game
its so important to me b/c I've watched maybe 2 or 3 games all year.
I'm totally in to it.
I don't have cable.

I realize that I should be home with my wife and kid.
I leave.
I come home in the middle of Z crying an screaming.
C comes walking down the hall calmly.

... Z is frustrated and tired.

This is what I wanted to miss.

.... pull out C's car
Open up Club Kevmo.

yes.
with capitals.

I feel at home.
I am at home.

for the hour I was there?
I felt like everyone wanted me to chime in.
but I sat there in silence.

slowly ordering a beer.
occasionally muttering a "aww really?! come on!" to the TV
as the others fluttered about with ramblings of the sport, and the season, and the players
I just wanted to watch a good game for a couple hours.

and now... here I am.
in Club Kevmo
about closing time.
11 pm.

about to go to sleep with my wife
and my kid in the next room.
in our new sleep number bed.

I'm blessed.

my number is also 25.

KM

I think I need to start blogging again

Why?

Because I have done it since 2003, which means I have almost 10 years of my life out here that I can look back and reflect on from time to time. And its nice to type some shit out and not care who sees it. Facebook and Twitter have been amazing inventions but they wear me out sometime. Why to I continue to check them every hour/half hour/15 minutes. I don't know...

I need to put the phone down, and look up. Which I've started to do a little more.

Well, I turned 35 a week or so ago, and I must admit, it could quite possibly have been the best one I've had ever. I love my life, I have a great job, a wonderful wife that I love more everyday, the best gift anyone could have... a child, and an amazingly beautiful one at that, a wonderful house, a car to get me from here to there, and lots of friends/family. I've sure done some major growing up over the past 10 years, but that doesn't change the fact that I can still throw down a party every once in awhile. Or every 3-4 days really. ;)

I think I'm hanging the congas up to dry. I've been rocking on those things since '96, and I don't think there is much more I can do with them. Plus my hands hurt and I can feel some arthritis in them from time to time.

So, entering into another exciting time for me. I'm going to be playing a cajon now. I've also rigged up a stomp box for a kick sound and play a tambourine with my foot. I've been practicing alot lately and it really frees me up to do alot of different stuff. It fits my abilities perfectly and helps me NOT show off my inabilities. There were many things I'd stumble over on the kit, its basically having to add any fancy footwork into the mix. haha It messes up my left hand. But with this set up, my legs are just keeping a steady beat, and my hands are sounding like a full kit. It's awesome. I'm having so much fun with it, which is what I needed. I was getting burned out doing the same thing with the congas. This is gonna make me grow, and blend so much better with the folks I end up playing with.... namely the Dorman Brothers, and probably a Sunday Night Revival at Grady's. I'm excited about playing again, and that feels great.

alright... enough blog.
ready to finish this day out and then see some friends for the Day of the Dude celebration.

We really haven't grown up that much.


KM

different but similar

These two songs came on my shuffle this morning, one right after the other. Interesting how similar they are... the similarities being the bad ass songwriting.

Lukas Nelson - Colorado
http://www.kevmo.com/Music/01-Lukas-Nelson-Colorado.mp3

&

Pink - Crystal Ball
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmgXcjYQ-lI&feature=youtu.be

you might be wrong.

Got a kick out of this..

Came up on shuffle just now...
Linville, Stoney and I at Woody's in Ft. Worth.

no alcohol was consumed during Dave Ray's recording of this.
or the recordings in the hotel that night.
none at all.

the banter is funny stuff.

check it out.

And I wouldn't go fishin' with a politician.

stoned drunk and naked

So, I was reading this old note
that I found while going through some old shit.
and it was to my buddy blake.
it was mainly drunk scribbles
about trying to hook up with chicks.
But I did mention that I was naked.
I wanted to get high, but had to piss first
... and obviously I was drunk.

ahhhh, college. fun times.

I was talking to C about it.
Like, one page of this spriral has me
stoned, drunk, and naked,
and the next page has a differential equation on it.

nuts.

anyway, it made me think of a song
that I hear Adam Hood sing...
called, "Stoned, Drunk, and Naked"

So I want to hear it,
pull up iTunes, not in my library
search the net for a youtube vid
and find out its by a guy named...
Anders Osborne.

And he is a fine find, folks.
Its just nuts how I run across new music.

But an old note led me to Anders...
And I likey.

minus the extended guitar solo, this vid is killer.


CLICK TWICE TO WATCH ON YOUTUBE.

Imma Soundhound

Dude, this app....
http://www.soundhound.com/
is freaking killer.

You know, I like graphic design.
But music is more of a passion.
Not only creating or playing it, but just studying it.
Studying it has always kinda been the main thing,
actually having enough rhythm to play an instrument has been a bonus.
But really, I just like to consume music.

I also like to solve problems.
and even though I can't remember doing many equations as of late,
I've loved the black and white answer to things.
there is a right answer, no speculation or approximation.
Coming to a solution and knowing that solution is right....
gives me pleasure.

I've always thought that I could somehow find a way
to make this work for me.

You know, its not what you do that defines who you are....
Its who you are that defines what you do.

If you are one of the brave and lucky souls that have found a way
to make a living doing what you truly love.
Then you, my friend, will never have to work a day in your life.
Well, everyone has those days I suppose, but you get what I'm sayin'.

yeah... so...
I want that.

Something like working for a company like Soundhound
would be freaking awesome.

I need to find out how I can be a creative solution finder/problem solver/manager/designer, within music.

Any ideas?
more importantly.
Any takers?

----------------------------
The youtube clip this post is an oldie that got worn out.
but still great!

CLICK TWICE TO VIEW IN YOUTUBE.

Ride on.

What a trippy dream I woke up from this morning.

I had to fly a little plane. But it was almost like flying a mechanical dragon (like in Avatar). It looked like a little open cockpit plane, but you kinda flew it like they flew those dragons.
my brother was there, but not for all of it.
I was supposedly only going from Guymon to Boise City, and I didn't want to go a high altitude b/c I thought I'd get lost (funny)...
so I kinda stuck close to the highway.
But then I had huge mountains that I'd have to really pull up for,
then see a huge forgotten plane wreck, and zoom by the wheel of it.
Now that I think about it, it was kinda an Avatarish scene.
It definitely was not the panhandle I once knew, although parts were.

I also remember trying to fit my foot
into a shoe and it just wasn't fitting.
I tried and tried and tried until my foot hurt.
Then as I had given up and came to the conclusion that my foot
would not fit into that shoe... they popped on and fit like a glove.

I think it was about this new journey I'm on.
People will be there to help,
but I can find my way and maneuver through huge plane wrecks,
high line wires and mountains,
and anything else that serves as an obstacle.
And as soon as I realize that I may not look like, live like,
or act like the people that I want acceptance from,
as long as I accept the way I look and live my life.
Then I can truely be free and live.

woah. deep.
it was a pretty fun dream to remember.
I wish we could really fly those things.
It was a blast!

On other note....
The day before yesterday I dreamed
that I got to smoke pot with Willie Nelson.
And he let me keep the joint and gave me another.
Well, I packed them up nice and hid them somewhere.
And once I got to the next destination, I couldn't find them...
Somehow this was all my buddy Kyle's fault...
the scene was in a dark space with lowly lit lamps
with laughing and tons of people
there was ancient chinese manuscripts being written in the foyer.
kinda like a scene that you would see in Karate Kid or something.
I kept trying to chase down Kyle to find out where he was going
and where Willie's weed went...
But I could never catch up with him.

hmmmmm.
I'm not gonna try to figure that one out.

at least I got to smoke with Willie though.

--------
and last but not least... John Fullbright again.

click twice to view on youtube.

Ignorance is bliss...

I just have to laugh at some folk's ignorance. But it seems like I'm laughing alot more lately, and this is the one time that laughing is scary. People's minds are so closed, to where they don't even want to think about other possibilities. It baffles me how arrogant some can be and not realize it.

ROCK N ROLL!!!!!

IF ANYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE IN MY HEAD

GO HERE....
HTTP://WWW.QUIETRELIEF.COM/

THEN SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.
PLAY THE "EAR RINGING SOUND"
AND PLAY THE "HIGH FREQUENCY BUZZING" SOUNDS
AT THE SAME TIME.
TURN YOUR VOLUME DOWN TO A LITTLE UNDER HALF.

THERE YOU HAVE IT.


-------------------------
wear ear protection kids.
seriously.
-------------------------

I feel good.

Just like James Brown said.

I really do though. I feel good.
My life is really starting to shine through.

I feel like the person I was before college,
is starting to merge with the person I exceded to be in college.

I am liking the mix.
I'm starting to find the true mix of the extremes of me.

I'm figuring out that remembering the past
can be just as important to forgetting about it.

Taking hold of things that used to make me strong.
and letting go of things that have weakened me.

Realizing who I can be today leads to
Dreaming about who I want to be every other day.

Believing in myself and what I do,
means getting more time to focus.

I just love my life.
Its not perfect, but that's life!


CLICK IT TWICE TO VIEW IT IN YOUTUBE.


PS.
I think we've decided on the name for our little girl.
Zoey Grace Miller.

;-)

Enjoy you're lives folks!
Happy Monday.

MUSIC. RULES.

CLICK ON THEM TWICE TO VIEW IN YOUTUBE.
OR JUST WATCH HERE AND SEE HALF OF THE VIDEO.


John Fullbright - Moving



Darrell Scott - Its a great day to be alive.



get your mean rock face on for this one.
Clutch - Electric Worry.